I’m way more into men then I ever get to express. I’ve wanted to express this for years but do to a multitude of fears, mostly the fear of losing the pretty okay social status I enjoy have neglected to express this. I want to change that but don’t know how. Also I’m polyandrous… Nobody gets that. Even when I enter into relationships with other polyandrous individuals it all kinda fails in the application…. Life is weird.
I drink alone because it’s one of the rare times that I feel like i can think on a simpler level.
My brain is constantly full of ruminations on past events (negative and positive) which leads to future planing of events (a repeat of positive or an attempt to avoid the negative). I think how my mother is ill and could die very soon. I think about the stressed relationship with my father and how sad it is that I have no drive to repair it. I think about the aunt who helped raised me but now lives 5 hours away without her boy. I think about the brother whom i roll model for, yet fail to bring a guiding voice. And all wile i think this i have to focus on stupid tasks like washing a dish for work, or repeating the same accounting problem over and over again for school.
I drink alone because I don’t want people, I don’t need anymore voices in my head. There are to many as it is.
Right now I am drunk but tomorrow it starts all over again.
I don’t drink alone so that I can have a moment for me.
I drink alone with the hope that some day i won’t need a bottle to find some inter peace.
One person TOTALLY followed cuze i posted a dick XD Knew that would happen!